“The Choice” & ”Zoolander 2”

Id:  You’re really going to review these?  You didn’t even like them. Why bother?

Superego:  Yes, but don’t I need to tell the people they’d be wasting their time?

Ego:  Hey, that’s a judgment call.  Let them evaluate for themselves.  What was so wrong, anyway?

Id: “The Choice” was the really schmaltzy love story, told in such an old-fashioned way that there was no sex, no foul language, no nudity, and nothing more violent than one swift punch to the jaw between love-triangle rivals.  In other words, nothing of any scintillating interest at all.

Superego:  You don’t have to show skin in order to prove sexual attraction.

Id:  You’re such a prude.

Superego:  I prefer love stories where people keep their clothes on, thank you.  It’s so much more dignified.

Id:  Well, here they’re dignified to the point of being stiff, like they’re posing their way through it.

Ego:  The dogs were cute.

Id:  Yeah, cutesy overweening to the max.  At least “Zoolander 2” doesn’t insult your intelligence.

Superego:  Are you kidding?  That so-called farce was so over-the-top that it was completely ridiculous.

Id:  That was the whole point.  They were making fun of the whole modeling shtick, the Hollywood fashion industry, even superhero porn.

Ego:  There were definitely a lot of cameos by celebrities as diverse as Willie Nelson and John Malkovich.

Superego:  Yeah, but who wants to see Benedict Cumberbatch as a drag queen?  And who would really believe that Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller are, or even were, supermodels?

Id:  That’s the whole point.   It’s random and ridiculous because so is the whole celebrity cult.

Superego:  And the people who have most profited by it are the ones lampooning it?

Id:  Penelope Cruz was hot.  Didn’t know she had a talent for tongue-in-cheek humor.

Ego: Now that she’s and established star over 40, she can afford to branch out.

Superego:  But the Kristen Wiig floating face was also ridiculous, with the exaggerated botox, she looked like a witch.

Ego:  I think that was the point, too.  The celebrity cult making fun of its own excesses.

Superego:  Well, you can have the whole silly diatribe.  It wasn’t even funny.

Ego:  That’s because you don’t understand or appreciate farce in the first place.

Superego:  Well, any time we spent on these was wasted.

Id:  Hey, wanna go to the movies?

Dr. Ronald P. Salfen, DFW Film Critics Association