“Legion”
 
OK, let me get this straight.  God decides that He wants to destroy the world again, only this time with a plague that turns humans into possessed zombies who turn on each other.  Except that there’s one baby about to be born, father not known, who could represent salvation for the humans (sound familiar?).  Except the expectant Mom, “Charlie” (Adrianne Palicki), doesn’t know anything about it, she just works as a waitress at a diner in the middle of the desert somewhere, and lives in a trailer nearby.  Now here is a different kind of apocalypse.      
So the owner of this crummy diner is an irascible old cuss (Dennis Quaid) who’s always banging on the television to try to get it to work (last time we looked, “It’s A Wonderful Life” was on…nice little foreshadowing there).  Now Michael the Archangel shows up, in the form of a multi-tattooed Paul Bettany with just a slight British accent.  He has fallen from heaven, it seems, because he has fallen out of God’s favor, because he’s actually opposing this doomsday plot of God’s, having not lost faith in all humanity, mostly because of the Joseph figure, Jeep (Lucas Black), the nice young man with a pure heart who’s going to marry the pregnant “Charlie” even if she doesn’t love him back…yet.
Now throw in some other characters and caricatures into this Wild West diner--- Kate Walsh in a non-glamorous role as the harpy Mom of a rebellious teenager, Charles S. Dutton (the ex-con who did time for weapons possession) preaching against handguns to a young hoodlum---and we’re ready for an old-fashioned showdown at the corral, machine-gunning the zombies outside, and waiting for a rescue from Gabriel, the other archangel.  But wait, Gabriel (Kevin Durand) is opposing Michael, because he thinks he’s doing God’s will, so he’s the avenging angel with the wings that stop bullets.  Except that Michael, seemingly wiser than God, understands that God would change His mind if Michael could present to him a 2nd Holy Family, innocent and naïve, with which to start over, except that instead of fleeing to Egypt on a donkey, they’re fleeing to the desert in a beat-up station wagon with automatic weapons stashed in the back.  OK then. 
Then Gabriel defeats Michael, but has become hateful and vengeful and unmerciful in the process, and so Michael resurrects to save the 2nd Holy Family because he has understood the “real” nature of God, which is about mercy, and 2nd chances?
Wow.  A whole theological master treatise, encapsulated in a mediocre horror movie.  Whodathunk it? 
 
Dr. Ronald P. Salfen, Pastor, Grace Presbyterian Church, Greenville , Texas