It would be tempting, in this visual
era where looks are so incredibly important, to get preachy about, say, how
un-camera-friendly Abraham Lincoln would be.
Or William Howard Taft. Or
FDR. And we could easily say to all
the appearance-obsessed adolescents out there that they “ought” to see
this parable called “Beastly,” loosely based on “Beauty and the
Beast.” But the trouble is, this
version is not that good, to recommend it so broadly.
Oh, it has some good moments, all right.
But at the end it seems like an awful lot of trouble for such great
implausibility, and such an obvious “moral to the story.”
Alex Pettyfer plays Kyle, the
tremendously popular high schooler who is running for President of the
Student Council, and crassly appeals to his audience merely on the basis of
his looks, admitting he doesn’t have a political platform and cares about
no issues; he just thinks he’s entitled to be their leader.
For some unknown reason, they cheer loudly.
They all seem to suffer from collective shallowness of the first
order, except for Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens), who has too many problems at home
to participate in such artificiality, and Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen), a
self-professed witch, who casts a spell on Kyle to make him suddenly ugly.
And he will remain that way until somebody professes love for him.
This sounds like the introduction to
the Book of Job. The Powers That Be
somehow conspire to make someone miserable, and his test is to….not be
miserable. Sure, Kyle spends a while
sitting in dust and ashes (figuratively speaking), feeling sorry for himself
and rejecting everyone and spiraling down into depression and lethargy.
Interestingly enough, there’s no religion in this movie.
Kyle doesn’t pray. He
doesn’t blame God. (Easy enough to
blame the witch that he does see rather than the Deity he doesn’t.)
His rich, callous father sets him up in a private apartment with a
blind tutor and an immigrant maid. Well,
it could be worse.
Kyle finds himself obsessing about
Lindy, the girl at school, who also has troubles with her absent father
(except he’s an addict), and she dreams of escape to Machu Pichu, where
she will someday find happiness. Kyle,
already stalking her from the shadows, winds up kidnapping her because
she’s been threatened by the drug dealers around her Dad.
Of course, she’s repulsed by him, but strangely attracted, as well.
She somehow cannot put it together that this is the same Kyle from
school (same height, same build, same voice, same mannerisms, but somehow
she can’t get past his ugly mug even when he puts on a ski mask).
Well, OK, so the logic doesn’t really hold together.
What we have is an unusual screen romance where the girl is
beautiful, and the guy is a frog, just waiting for her to kiss him so he can
turn into a handsome prince. Or at
the very least, a rich kid no longer spoiled.
Vanessa Hudgens (of “High School
Musical” fame) is indeed pleasant to look at, as is Mr. Pettyfer, the son
of two professional models. But
there’s no real chemistry between them (besides both of them looking too
old for their parts), and the plot is flimsy enough, and the secondary
characters shallow enough, to not really help them very much, so the result
is…just OK. It’s a good little
parable for teens. But don’t expect
Dr. Ronald P. Salfen, Co-Pastor,
United Presbyterian Church,